As I was a-writing today, I had to do something-awful-to-a-character-I-love/make-a-character-I-love-do-something awful/all-or-both-but-they-triumph/I'm-melodramatic-they-get-a-torn-nail at Ye Olde Day
Job. And I broke down crying. I mean, the ugly kind. It was not a polite, ladylike lament. There was snot. People were concerned. And I was completely at a loss as to how to explain it.
This is the thing. I tend to grok towards certain character types, but I don't do Mary Sues. (If anything, I'm often told that my characters are too snotty and aggressive.) My persons all have quirks and flaws, sometimes very deep ones*. I'm used to dealing with characters Being Very Naughty or going through Very Naughty things. I giggle when I kill my darlings. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME HERE? I used to be objective. I swear I was.
...well, I could fake it, anyway.
*I am a sad little redemptionista. I love watching characters fall to their very bottom and then scrabble back up, bloodied and wiser. It ties both into the part where I love them and where I'm a wee bit sadistic. All I can say is: I used to be in fandom.